All posts published here are presented as casual conversation pieces to provoke thought in some direction or another, they do not necessarily represent fixed opinions of the Inner Council, as our work exists beyond the spectrum of bound statement and singular clause.
The parent wound
If you are the most sensitively acute member of your community group then there is a chance that the wounds of your immediate ancestry may require your attention. If this sounds impossibly daunting, then rest assured that this work can be carried out in complete isolation from the individuals of the family. Where historical information may be incredibly useful, all of the necessary detail for integration can be retrieved through your own introspective meditation. When we have access to the correct tools we can pay attention to the invitations into the spaces of integration. We have worked with participants who have healed major relational conflicts a long time after the passing of the relatives involved.
That being said, if there is an opportunity for you to work with either parent on a mature and convenient basis then there are incredible grounds for re-establishing a meaningful relationship where family roles are understood and the level of intimacy re-balanced.
There are times where the relationship with one or both parents has developed without any challenging circumstances or has already been through a reformation. There may, however, be wounds from their ancestral history that can be accessed and integrated. So here we can understand the many different approaches to the rewarding challenge of stepping back one generation to investigate and resolve conflicts that could potentially continue to manifest through our lineage without being processed.
So, in order to be clear, parental wounds can have aspects that have profoundly affected our direct relationship with them, or they can exist in a state where we were—or still are—the passive by-products of behavioral patterns, or they can be seemingly obscured or dormant in a shy or well-tempered parent.
Both of our parents have Inner Children and the more we integrate family wounds, the more the Inner Child of each becomes apparent. It’s a great sign when you can both see and feel the Inner Children of your parents. During therapy we have witnessed participants that have transformed previously perceived monsters into misdirected and unloved children, enthusiastically ready for the attention that they failed to receive when they were young.
The Mother Wound, The Father Wound
There are specific threads, even whole books on the single subject of mother-daughter, mother-son, father-daughter or father-son relational conflicts, often with a biographical tone, but here I think it’s relevant to remain objectively general as we can approach any relationship with the same grounded perspective, regardless of the impact caused by conflict. A narrative of causal circumstances that led to an energetic imprint being unconsciously, inherently repeated. Children are super-susceptible, and the environment in which they were raised is their fundamental, unquestionable reality.
Only through deep-reconsideration is one able to withdraw from the programming of the primary psychological stages of childhood brain development. Nobody wants conflict, even if they are incessantly antagonistic. Nobody wants to harm another being, even if they are fervently aggressive. Nobody wants to violate another’s innocence, even if they are prone to ignoring boundaries of safety because not only an urge, but a malformed need is so strong that their soul takes the passenger seat as the body fulfills an energetic impulse. Nothing that happened should not not have happened—That’s a tough one. If after reading these sentences you feel a seething, swelling energy surfacing, relish that energy. It’s going to be the primary source of your integration process. You can only heal if you are ready to let go of emotional energy imprints.
Is forgiveness even the right word? Who is it that we forgive when we release a densely infused energetic relationship with a parent? How do we even detach from a deep wound? We essentially disassociate from the aspect of identity which placed us initially in the juxtaposition. Intentional forgiveness comes from our reformed interpretation of the wounding circumstances that free us from the fallout of collateral. The ‘other’ is not required, no forgiveness needs to be acknowledged or accepted by either parent in order for us to sever the energetic binding. In deep medicine work we forgive ourselves on a profound level, we forgive ourselves for the suffering we endured from our own victimisation. This attitude may cause a deep emotional tug as the emotional bond charges with blame, but we are only concerned here with doing the job. And the job needs to be done, right? So we will work at self-forgiveness, as we grow to trust and to love ourselves unconditionally.
Again, through Inner Child work we approach our healing in a beautifully orchestrated manner, synchronistically integrating through stages. Never jumping ahead, and respecting the journey that intuitively guides us to where we need to be. This is a life journey, and at some stage in our healing we will have to consider the integration of others as a platform for us to reach delicate areas of our own understanding. Where better to begin that process than with the two souls that we chose to be delivered into this world alongside. Whether parental integration is a profound obstacle in your healing, or a secondary consideration, there will be a time when we are ready to look towards our parents as the next step in our integration process.