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All posts published here are presented as casual conversation pieces to provoke thought in some direction or another, they do not necessarily represent fixed opinions of the Inner Council, as our work exists beyond the spectrum of bound statement and singular clause.

Emotional Intelligence & The Inner Child

Here I would like to briefly mention what we would regard as Emotional Intelligence and how this links to the Inner Child work that we offer here at The Inner Council.

Inner Child work centers around patterned behavioural triggering. Imagine having a child with you and for any reason at any moment a tantrum can erupt. We have some element of this within us and we calm the intensity of this response with a self-awareness or attention that allows us to come to terms with a much larger mechanics. These causal factors then speak of a consideration to a root-cause and we oversee the actions in order to understand and resolve them.

Our behavioural patterns, triggers and reactions can be interpreted and negotiated with our Inner Child as we build a trust relationship with them. Our Inner Child is generally better behaved when they sense a mutuality of self respect and responsibility for their safety. This alteration in the relationship offers us suggestions for compromise. Your Inner Child may suggest something that they would like to do, and when this is taken seriously they begin to open up expressively. They implore that your happiness is simply their happiness.

This shift into emotional awareness gives a change in our mental activity, we are now actively observing our behaviour from an objective perspective and this shift in mental pattern itself begins to bring about an alternative perspective of the attitude we have about ourselves and our beliefs about emotions. The Inner Child doesn’t like us to deceive ourselves, that becomes clear. The excuses and allowances that we operate by are white lies to ourselves but at the same time are major cracks in our integrity and hold back our personal growth. With this new perspective we can begin considering some of the symptoms that have been associated with emotional immaturity:

Emotional instability – lack of ability to solve problems, irritability and anxiety over external factors, vulnerability, emotional outbursts
Emotional regression – feeling of inferiority, self-doubt, de-motivation, mental restlessness
Social maladjustment – lack of social adaptability, social avoidance and leaning on excuses for exclusion
Personality disintegration – inconsistent behaviour,  phobias formation, deep pessimism
Lack of independence – dependence on others through emotional manipulations

When we begin to observe behavioural symptoms objectively (from outside of ourselves) it’s easier for us to understand the causes of these symptoms. From here we can begin to understand the steps towards raising our emotional maturity:

  • Basic emotional responsibility
  • Emotional honesty & openness
  • Emotional understanding & control
  • Emotional detachment

Bring in the inner child

The magical element of the Inner Child work is that many people find it difficult to shift these emotions with a serious undertone and the work demands that you be creative. A lack of interaction and curiosity will not allow us to mentally shift, whereas the joy and softness in the empathetic connection with our Inner Child is the shift itself.

When you see a friend who is frustrated or angry, ask them to sing or do a dance—or make them clap all the negativities from around their head—and you will witness the fervent resistance that is denying creativity. If you manage to succeed then you will see an incredible transformation as the creative expression will neutralise the locked up temper almost instantly.

Most people turn to Inner Child work in order to address emotional outbursts, or emotional hijacking, sabotaging, and destructive behaviours that have become apparent in their lives. Very quickly we can begin to understand from where and why these emotions arise and once we can see that the response clearly doesn’t justify the trigger, this is where we can begin to follow the threads and uncover the programming that primed us to this behavioural outcome.

It takes a big dose of emotional intelligence to recognise that change is needed and that’s why the serious attitude that is required to step into this work tends to pay off well. When you know that something needs to change, you are ready to approach the theory and practice that will support you along that change. Then it’s up to you when you are ready to take the responsibility of your own actions into your own hands, as the methodology has been explained and you have the tools.

Anyone can become angry —that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way —this is not easy. – Aristotle, The Nicomachean Ethics

If this resonates and you’d like to find out more, please read more about the Inner Child Workshop.

Recommended reading

Since Raymond Willoughby began publishing Emotional Maturity scales in 1930’s, there are been several considerable efforts made to give understanding to a workable model of emotional intelligence. The below go into more detail about personal behavioural approaches and the expectations of psychotherapy in order to overcome resistances and move into personal growth and finest impulses.

Abraham H. Maslow
Toward a Psychology of Being

Karla McLaren
The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You

Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ
Working with Emotional Intelligence