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All posts published here are presented as casual conversation pieces to provoke thought in some direction or another, they do not necessarily represent fixed opinions of the Inner Council, as our work exists beyond the spectrum of bound statement and singular clause.
Where is my Inner Child?
Before beginning a workshop, many people could be excused for wondering if an Inner Child actually exists, and what the experience might be like. How do I know my inner child exists?, What if she’s not real, or won’t show up?, It works for others, but maybe mine’s not real, or won’t work for me.
In the beginning it can sound strange, feel awkward or just plain odd to think that there’s a part of us inside that we’ve disconnected from, or totally ignored, an abandoned part of ourselves sitting somewhere in the dark waiting for someone to come and play with them. We’ll be the first to say, absolutely, be skeptical, check it out for yourself! The truth is, that we’ve never worked with anyone who hasn’t been greeted by their Inner Child when we’ve made the necessary preparations during the workshop.
The Primary Archetype
The Inner Child is our primary archetype; the first part of Self that begins to develop in childhood. Although emotional intelligence is not fully formed until later on in adolescence the Inner Child communicates in distinct ways; non-verbal, verbal, behavioural patterns and habits that form as a result of our conditioning.
Conditioning is a natural part of being human in modern day society. You can breathe a sigh of relief that conditioning is only a representation of who you are and in the same breath it’s also something you can change, overcome and relearn ways of aligning with your true nature and highest good. Conditioning is made up of the culture, family, traditions, society and beliefs we are born into. When we pause to ask ourselves why we believe what we believe, we can often trace them back to one of these elements. Curiously this is where the realisation that it’s not ‘me’ comes in. They are an amalgamation of our unique personal life experiences and circumstances.
The Inner Child has one agenda: to get her needs met. We all have basic needs that need fulfilling and whenever one, or multiple needs were not met, in the way we needed them to be, coping mechanisms form as a result. These are our conditioned responses (emotions, behaviours, patterns, habits) that are most often unconscious; so without awareness of them we weren’t in a position to do anything about it. Ah-ha! Now you know! These coping mechanisms are defenses that were necessary to create in order to avoid pain, suffering, rejection, abandonment and other wounds.
Inside all of us is a wounded child waiting for us to show up for them, to reconnect and support them in getting their needs met. As a parent would for their child.
How the Inner Child shows up in our lives
The Inner Child is real; she holds the key to healing trauma, releasing pain, suffering, emotions, behavioural patterns that, even though many are unconscious, we witness them repeatedly playing out in our life. The Inner Child acts out, plays up when she is out of balance and harmony, needing her needs met, which show up in our lives as emotional reactions and behavioural responses that come from a place of wounding, rather than empowered choice.
What does this look like?
By forming a relationship, together, you can both be liberated from these elements that no longer serve you in your life. Self awareness reveals the depth to which we are able to identify and recognise our responses and reactions. The inner child is also quite the chameleon. An expert in disguise, hiding and holding onto emotional pain and trauma and learned behaviours. Of course! How else was she able to survive?
The biggest gift we can give ourselves is self empowerment; to heal the wounds of our inner child, through conscious re-parenting.
Now we know that our inner child is there, waiting for us to connect and provide her with what she needs, the rest will unfold and flow. It does require action on your part; an open, willing heart and trust that you are the best person to take care of her.
“The First Meeting” – A Guided Inner Child Connection
Objective: To help someone who is unsure if their Inner Child exists feel the first subtle signals of connection.
Step-by-step:
1. Create a quiet space
Sit somewhere where you won’t be interrupted. You don’t need candles, music or rituals — just stillness and curiosity.
2. Place both hands over your heart or belly
These areas often hold the earliest emotional imprints of childhood.
3. Close your eyes and imagine that you are in a safe, warm room — a room without time, without judgement, without expectations.
It might be a bedroom from childhood, a garden, a beach, a treehouse, or somewhere imaginary.
4. Say out loud or silently:
“If there is a younger part of me who is here, you are welcome. You don’t have to come close. Just let me know you’re here in any way you choose.”
5. Wait without forcing.
Your Inner Child may appear as:
- a memory
- a colour
- a feeling in your body
- a word
- a little face or silhouette
- or simply a sensation of presence
There is no “correct” way.
6. If you sense something — even the smallest flicker — acknowledge it:
“Thank you for being here. I will learn how to take care of you.”
7. If you feel nothing at all
This is normal. Many Inner Children hide in the beginning. You can simply say:
“I understand it might take time. I’ll come back again.”
That is the first act of re-parenting: consistency without pressure.
8. Optional journal prompt:
What did I feel, sense, remember or imagine during this exercise — even if it seemed small, odd or uncertain?
The goal is not to “prove” the Inner Child exists.
The goal is to show up — and the Inner Child always responds to presence, patience and repetition.
Click here for more Inner Child Exercises.
A creative approach
You don’t have to believe in the Inner Child for her to be there.
She existed long before you had language for her.
She learned how to smile for approval, how to hide disappointment, how to be quiet when the world was loud, long before you knew what “coping” meant.
She has waited in all the places you forgot:
in half-remembered afternoons,
in old photographs,
in the dreams where you were smaller, brighter, fearless.
When you pause, soften and call her name, even silently, she hears you.
She doesn’t need you to be perfect or spiritual or certain.
She just needs you to turn toward her instead of away.
And in that first moment of connection, a feeling, a memory, a soft shift in the heart, something ancient begins to heal.
Your life does not change all at once.
It changes the way dawn arrives: quietly, steadily, in a thousand small openings of light.
Whether you are ready or not, your Inner Child is real.
She has always been here.
And now, slowly, she knows you’re coming back.
Visit our Inner Child Workshop page to find out more.
