Healing our parents | Parental wounds

If you are the most sensitively acute member of your community group then there is a chance that the wounds of your immediate ancestry may require your attention. If this sounds impossibly daunting, then rest assured that this work can be carried out in complete isolation from the individuals of the family. Where historical information may be incredibly useful, all of the necessary detail for integration can be retrieved through your own introspective meditation. When we have access to the correct tools we can pay attention to the invitations into the spaces of integration. We have worked with participants who have healed major relational conflicts a long time after the passing of the relatives involved.

That being said, if there is an opportunity for you to work with either parent on a mature and convenient basis then there are incredible grounds for re-establishing a meaningful relationship where family roles are understood and the level of intimacy re-balanced.

There are times where the relationship with one or both parents has developed without any challenging circumstances or has already been through a reformation. There may, however, be wounds from their ancestral history that can be accessed and integrated. So here we can understand the many different approaches to the rewarding challenge of stepping back one generation to investigate and resolve conflicts that could potentially continue to manifest through our lineage without being processed.

So, in order to be clear, parental wounds can have aspects that have profoundly affected our direct relationship with them, or they can exist in a state where we were—or still are—the passive by-products of behavioral patterns, or they can be seemingly obscured or dormant in a shy or well-tempered parent.

Both of our parents have Inner Children and the more we integrate family wounds, the more the Inner Child of each becomes apparent. It’s a great sign when you can both see and feel the Inner Children of your parents. During therapy we have witnessed participants that have transformed previously perceived monsters into misdirected and unloved children, enthusiastically ready for the attention that they failed to receive when they were young.

There are specific threads, even whole books on the single subject of mother-daughter, mother-son, father-daughter or father-son relational conflicts, often with a biographical tone, but here I think it’s relevant to remain objectively general as we can approach any relationship with the same grounded perspective, regardless of the impact caused by conflict. A narrative of causal circumstances that led to an energetic imprint being unconsciously, inherently repeated. Children are super-susceptible, and the environment in which they were raised is their fundamental, unquestionable reality.

Only through deep-reconsideration is one able to withdraw from the programming of the primary psychological stages of childhood brain development. Nobody wants conflict, even if they are incessantly antagonistic. Nobody wants to harm another being, even if they are fervently aggressive. Nobody wants to violate another’s innocence, even if they are prone to ignoring boundaries of safety because not only an urge, but a malformed need is so strong that their soul takes the passenger seat as the body fulfills an energetic impulse. Nothing that happened should not not have happened—That’s a tough one. If after reading these sentences you feel a seething, swelling energy surfacing, relish that energy. It’s going to be the primary source of your integration process. You can only heal if you are ready to let go of emotional energy imprints.

Is forgiveness even the right word? Who is it that we forgive when we release a densely infused energetic relationship with a parent? How do we even detach from a deep wound? We essentially disassociate from the aspect of identity which placed us initially in the juxtaposition. Intentional forgiveness comes from our reformed interpretation of the wounding circumstances that free us from the fallout of collateral. The ‘other’ is not required, no forgiveness needs to be acknowledged or accepted by either parent in order for us to sever the energetic binding. In deep medicine work we forgive ourselves on a profound level, we forgive ourselves for the suffering we endured from our own victimisation. This attitude may cause a deep emotional tug as the emotional bond charges with blame, but we are only concerned here with doing the job. And the job needs to be done, right? So we will work at self-forgiveness, as we grow to trust and to love ourselves unconditionally.

Again, through Inner Child work we approach our healing in a beautifully orchestrated manner, synchronistically integrating through stages. Never jumping ahead, and respecting the journey that intuitively guides us to where we need to be. This is a life journey, and at some stage in our healing we will have to consider the integration of others as a platform for us to reach delicate areas of our own understanding. Where better to begin that process than with the two souls that we chose to be delivered into this world alongside. Whether parental integration is a profound obstacle in your healing, or a secondary consideration, there will be a time when we are ready to look towards our parents as the next step in our integration process.

Objective: To acknowledge, nurture, and integrate the aspects of your inner child affected by parental or ancestral patterns.

Time: 15–25 minutes

Materials: Quiet space, notebook or journal, optional comforting object (like a soft blanket or a small token).

Steps:

1. Grounding: Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and take several slow, deep breaths. Imagine roots extending from your body into the earth, creating a stable, safe foundation.
2. Invite Your Inner Child: Picture yourself as a young child, around the age when you first felt a strong impact from your parents’ behavior. Notice how they look, how they feel, and what they might need right now.
3. Dialogue with Compassion: Gently ask your inner child:
   • “What are you feeling right now?”
   • “What do you need from me today?”
   • “How can I support you?”
     Listen silently, noticing any emotions, images, or messages that arise.
4. Visualize a Protective Parent: Now imagine a safe, nurturing presence—this could be your adult self, a wise ancestor, or a comforting figure. Picture this presence offering unconditional support, understanding, and reassurance to your inner child. Let them feel safe and seen.
5. Acknowledge Parental Patterns: Silently or aloud, recognize the ways your parents’ behaviors may have impacted you without judgment. You might say:
   • “I see how these patterns affected you.”
   • “You were never at fault for what you experienced.”
6. Integrate Forgiveness and Release: Forgive yourself for carrying the weight of these wounds and acknowledge your power to release old emotional imprints. You may imagine tying the negative energy into a balloon and letting it float away, or writing it down and safely discarding it.
7. Close with Love: End the session by hugging your inner child, sending them warmth and safety. Remind them that you are committed to caring for them moving forward.
8. Optional Reflection: Journal any thoughts, feelings, or insights that emerged during the exercise. Note patterns you recognize and small actions you can take to nurture your inner child in daily life.

Click here for more Inner Child Exercises.

If this article resonates and you’d like to find out more, please read more about The Inner Council Inner Child Workshop. If you would appreciate a down to earth and totally confidential chat with us, then please feel free to contact us.